singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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