we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
