I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
