Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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