Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
