Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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