Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
