speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
