Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
