There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
