It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
