She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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