He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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