Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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