That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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