mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
