all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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