You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
