I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize