It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize