Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
