I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
