even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The Olympian is in my bed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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