You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
