Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need to align my fucking chakras
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
