I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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