trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
