Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize