So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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