Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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