Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
