I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
