she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
