the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
