think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
