I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Randomize
