it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
