Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
