That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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