His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
