Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
