Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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