I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
