I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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