I feel great
I just peed on a car
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
