i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
