so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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