Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
