I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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