she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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