I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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