and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I stole a fireplace last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
