a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
