now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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