and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
