i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
