i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
