It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize