I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
