3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
