I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
