Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
