I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
