i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
