i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
