so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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