yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize