How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
