Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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